Oh my god, I am sick and tired of having so many damn ideas in my head to write about that I can't focus on a single one! Even after eliminating one idea and telling myself that I'd focus just on my Pridea excerpt/rewrite, my mind is still wandering and it refused to focus on it during this whole weekend. So I didn't really get anything done this weekend except watch STAR DRIVER and Revolutionary Girl Utena - I'll definitely have to make a post about Utena later, since I already fangirled enough about STAR DRIVER this week, haha.

A part of me thinks that this is because I don't know what I want to write anymore. Well, okay - maybe it's not that I don't know what to write, it's just that I want to write so many things that I can't pick just one. It's really infuriating. But I wouldn't have this problem if I wrote more, and more often. A part of the problem for me when it comes to writing is, "Why bother writing it? No one will read it." It is a niggling fear that eats away at the back of the brain - hell, it is not a fear, it is a fact. With Pridea, I always have razzberree to cheer me on no matter what, and that's reassuring to no ends, but I feel as if I shouldn't really be delving in other short stories, chaptered works (like the pieces I had planned for OrigFic Bingo) because no one will pay attention to it anyway.

But just typing this out made me realize that, really, who the fuck cares? I think from now I'm just going to write whatever the hell I want to write and not give a damn about who reads it or not. There's a quote somewhere about how a good author writes from themselves, not their audience, I just don't really remember it right now... Uh, Google search? ... A Google search brings up nothing. Okay, well, fine, I'll quote myself then! "A good author writes for themselves, and not for others." ... It doesn't have as much impact when you quote yourself, haha, but I know it's out there!

I'll get the rewrite done, and then focus on actually laying out an outline before delving into the novel and rewriting stuff again. I really shouldn't even be doing this, since I still don't know how Pridea will end, but that's what I've been working to find out all of November so far (despite my rambling and fangirling, yes I have been working!) Anyway, I can't wait 'till November's over - not because of me working on Pridea, but because then NaNo will end and the Lit world can shut up about it for once. I don't have anything against NaNo, hell, it's how I actually got started working on Pridea - it's just that that's all any writer talks about during November, and if you say anything against it, god help your uncultured soul!

So, Pridea rewrite, Pridea outlines, and work on whatever the hell I want along the way...

I had revelation today, while eating dinner with my family. We were eating curried chicken and rice and potatoes, and it just occurred to me that this isn't really a normal meal for most households. To be honest, I don't really think about my culture very much. It's not a huge part of who I am, but, like most people born in America, it just adds a certain spice to the individual, I guess.

Curry's something my mom and dad make, since their mom and dad made it for them back in the islands (Jamaica and Trinidad respectively). I can't cook for shit, so when they pass on... Who will continue to make curry? I won't be able to do it. I'll be eating frozen foods for dinner probably every day, and while that doesn't bother me... Their curry recipe not being passed on does. it's not like I'm going to have children to pass it down to or anything. I'd just like to be able to make it for myself when I get older and move out of the house, you know?

There's a lot of Trinidadian foods that I really love, but rarely get to taste, because not even my mom / dad know how to cook everything.

See, usually, the tradition is that you're supposed to eat curry with roti, which is ... well, you could compare it to a tortilla, except roti is very, very thin and flaky, and is made especially for sopping up the curry from your plate. Mom and dad don't know how to make it, so we usually drive up to Boston and get a roti dinner with chick peas and chicken, shrimp, beef or goat and savor it, 'cause hell if we know how to make it. One of my aunts knows, but she's too stingy to share the secret. Either that or mom never asked and just gave me any ol' answer...

There's a lot of other Trini dishes I love to eat but never get to as well, but one of the best I've ever had is shark and bake. I had it when we actually went to Trinidad for my grandma's funeral, and it was perhaps the sole highlight of the trip. It's basically shark, yes, shark, that's lightly fried (or deep fried, depending on where you go) and eaten with potatoes and bake. 'Bake,' is lightly fried dough, I guess Americans could compare it to doughboys. It's totally different though - it's flaky and yet full of substance and has a very sweet taste to it.

If you ever plan on going down to Trinidad to eat this stuff, remember that  it's always called shark and bake. Never bake and shark or "fried fish and bake" or any other variant. Anyone calling it anything else isn't a real Trini and is probably some tourist who thinks they can make a profit on other tourists trying to get a real Trinidadian food experience.