02 March 2011 @ 04:12 pm
Okay guys, this is a serious business post,

... actually, it's not really very serious business. This is just a personal update - I've decided that I'm not going to start that writing blog I was talking about so fondly - at least, not on Blogger.

Here's the truth about myself: I don't really give a damn about pretentious writers, or those who work in serious business writing groups, etc. Writers / authors who blog on Blogger are all old maids (40+) ... and I know, 40 isn't that old but fuck, I'm only eighteen, I'm not about to try to fit into a group that's populated with housewives that are older than me and have absolutely nothing in common with me, except for the fact that they write. I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea in the first place.

In the beginning of January I was reading a lot of writer and author blogs who acted like they were the AUTHORITY on the "correct" way to write novels - how writers should all have Blogger blogs and constantly work on establishing networks with other writers and getting their book out their and blah blah blah, that shit's not FUN man, it's not fun. I'm doing this my way. I'm not going to join Absolute Write and have discussions with pretentious fuckin' writers about the correct way to establish plot or how not to do dialogue ...

I absolutely hate when people treat writing like a science. I hate graphic organizers, I hate when people blog about how prologues are "out" and short chapters are "in" - fuck you, I'll write what I wanna write, and yes, people actually blog about how this crap. How can a prologue be "out"?! This isn't fuckin' Aeropostale you goddamn cushy housewife, this is writing. Sit your ass down and write and stop treating this like a science, so poor fucken retarded newbies to the trade will nod their heads and praise you for sounding so goddamn smart. 

I mean, it sounds like I'm just complaining about nothing, but for so long I was reading these author blogs every goddamn day (well, okay, just for two months, but those are two months of my life I ain't gonna get back!) thinking I was reading the equivalent to the holy lord's gospel, when really... you don't need a manual to write. Just fucken' write.

Also, I can't talk about my writing in a "formal" fashion for the life of me - fuck that, I can't put on airs in text. In real life, sure, but my blog is me and if I can't express myself fully than fuck it, I'm not doing it. I'm gonna have fun with this and do it my way.

Not joining Scribophile either. I know you get good crit there but it's also full of old ladies who think their writing is THE MOST SPECTACTULAR THING EVER and I can't mesh with that.
Current Mood: calm
14 November 2010 @ 09:51 pm
let's live our lives heroically with style  
Oh my god, I am sick and tired of having so many damn ideas in my head to write about that I can't focus on a single one! Even after eliminating one idea and telling myself that I'd focus just on my Pridea excerpt/rewrite, my mind is still wandering and it refused to focus on it during this whole weekend. So I didn't really get anything done this weekend except watch STAR DRIVER and Revolutionary Girl Utena - I'll definitely have to make a post about Utena later, since I already fangirled enough about STAR DRIVER this week, haha.

In which Kiri ponders why she's so indecisive when it comes to writing... )

I had revelation today, while eating dinner with my family. We were eating curried chicken and rice and potatoes, and it just occurred to me that this isn't really a normal meal for most households. To be honest, I don't really think about my culture very much. It's not a huge part of who I am, but, like most people born in America, it just adds a certain spice to the individual, I guess.

Curry's something my mom and dad make, since their mom and dad made it for them back in the islands (Jamaica and Trinidad respectively). I can't cook for shit, so when they pass on... Who will continue to make curry? I won't be able to do it. I'll be eating frozen foods for dinner probably every day, and while that doesn't bother me... Their curry recipe not being passed on does. it's not like I'm going to have children to pass it down to or anything. I'd just like to be able to make it for myself when I get older and move out of the house, you know?

There's a lot of Trinidadian foods that I really love, but rarely get to taste, because not even my mom / dad know how to cook everything.

See, usually, the tradition is that you're supposed to eat curry with roti, which is ... well, you could compare it to a tortilla, except roti is very, very thin and flaky, and is made especially for sopping up the curry from your plate. Mom and dad don't know how to make it, so we usually drive up to Boston and get a roti dinner with chick peas and chicken, shrimp, beef or goat and savor it, 'cause hell if we know how to make it. One of my aunts knows, but she's too stingy to share the secret. Either that or mom never asked and just gave me any ol' answer...

There's a lot of other Trini dishes I love to eat but never get to as well, but one of the best I've ever had is shark and bake. I had it when we actually went to Trinidad for my grandma's funeral, and it was perhaps the sole highlight of the trip. It's basically shark, yes, shark, that's lightly fried (or deep fried, depending on where you go) and eaten with potatoes and bake. 'Bake,' is lightly fried dough, I guess Americans could compare it to doughboys. It's totally different though - it's flaky and yet full of substance and has a very sweet taste to it.

If you ever plan on going down to Trinidad to eat this stuff, remember that  it's always called shark and bake. Never bake and shark or "fried fish and bake" or any other variant. Anyone calling it anything else isn't a real Trini and is probably some tourist who thinks they can make a profit on other tourists trying to get a real Trinidadian food experience.

Great, now I'm hungry just thinking about it...
Current Mood: hungry
11 November 2010 @ 09:29 pm
cookies are not good motivational tools  
Okay. I totally thrashed the piece I was working on for Always Motivated. I can't - I just physically cannot write a finished piece that I like enough to upload to devART every week, I just can't do it! I'm thinking about leaving the group, but I'll feel really bad about it... but it has do be done. Now that I think about it, the only reason I was really excited about the comm was the promise of points... But you know, what, whatever! This is the first time in a while that I've ever had to totally scrap some of my work, and I feel kind of pissed about it.

The problem is, my original story line for the piece was novel, in my opinion, but then I had to work the prompt into it (which was 'cookie,' may I remind you... cookie!) and it just turned out... blah. I thought I could pull it off but I wasn't cool enough. Plus, in my opinion, the word 'cookie' is not really a motivational prompt. No, no it is not! I mean... really? Cookie? If you're going to make a group that prides itself on being motivational, the least you could do is put a little 'umph' into your prompts! I want to leave the group, I really do, but I've never left a group after joining it and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... But blah, I'll just go ahead and do it anyway after I'm done with this post.

Short entry today, but I really should be heading off to bed. Tomorrow I really have to get writing. I've run into a snag, so I figure I should do my piece how I originally wanted to, and then continue working on my Pridea excerpt. I also really want to get working on Origfic Bingo too! Argh, maybe I should put my piece aside and just work on Bingo? I like that idea! Especially since I have five really great plots I want to work on in five seperate pieces! I know I said I'd scrap them, but I worked hard to generate those ideas! ... Yosh, starting tomorrow, I'll hit the ground running and write, write, write! (Seriously, this time!)
Current Mood: exhausted
19 October 2010 @ 06:33 pm
i just want to lay down  
I’m going to city hall today, for my 15-hour internship with the freelancer. I dressed formal for the occasion - rarely am I ever seen in actual shoes, dress pants, a black turtleneck, and a grey overcoat with shiny new buttons. Mother dolled up my face with her tentacle hands, applying makeup to any spot that dare show off imperfections. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt my heart sink to my chest. This is the last person I ever wanted to be. When have I ever thought to myself, when I was young, “I want to be a journalist!”?

The answer is never – and yet, at the same time, this is what I want. Yes, no, I don’t know what I want anymore – but all I do know, is that when I pictured myself as an adult when I was younger, I was a quirky, young hipster who wrote novels for a living, and wore different colored socks and didn’t give a damn about anything. And to be honest, I don’t give a damn about the news – but then again, I don’t give a damn about anything. There are so many problems in this world, so many things that need to be fixed, but I don’t want to be the one to fix them. God, I just want to lie down. I want to leave reality and float on rainbow coloured clouds.

I had a thought today, as I was walking home from school, that perhaps, I would be the one to help put an end to Rhode Island corruption. I’d be the daring journalist to go in and investigate all the big time names – all the mayors we’ve had, all the shady lawyers who do double-edged deals under the rug – I’d be the one to wonder where all of this missing money’s going off to, I’d be the one to expose them all and clean up all the dust from Rhode Island’s grimy name. To be a shōnen manga hero – that’s been my dream for a while too. Is it such a horrible desire, to want to be someone with unspeakable power, who gets into tough situations, but pulls through, despite the odds? Hell if I’d actually have the nerve to do something as great as that, though – I am not so brave and courageous. I will not live the life that very few people get to do in this world.

Mother believes that I will be the one to save her from her current lifestyle. She wholeheartedly believes that I will be the one to support her when she gets older, that I will inherit our house and pay the bills for her, that I will cater to her every whim. That, I know, will not happen. It cannot. I will not live in this house when I get older – I’ll have an apartment somewhere, I’ll live on my own, I’ll walk around the apartment in my underwear if I want, and eat ice cream on the couch while watching anime on my computer. I’ll save up money little by little to by a flatscreen TV for myself, so I can play my video games in high quality. I’ll have a little room dedicated to writing newspaper articles. I won’t even have a landline, just a cell phone. I don’t want much out of life. I just want little things.

Everyone expects so much of me. My Latin teacher, my family, my teachers, my guidance counselors…

But god, all I want to do is lie down.
Current Mood: apathetic