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Yeah, yeah, it's me again. She (and by "she" I mean by Senior Project teach) wants me to start journaling about my hours with the freelancer, but I'll do that at home. I lied and said I've already got them done, but hell, they might as well be. All my notes about my time with him are at home, so I can't exactly start writing now. Anyway, I don't know why she's picking on me - no one else has freakin' journal entries done, so why bother me? I'm not exactly in the best mood right now...
I was fine before, but then I remembered that SAT scores came out today, so I checked them, and lo and behold, my Math score only went up twenty points! Twenty frickin points. Fantastic. My writing score actually went down, and my reading score is exactly the same. But anyway, with a score this low, I'm not going to qualify for URI's merit scholarship program. It's too late to think about applying for any other scholarships - I put my eggs in one basket, just like everyone told me not to do, and now I'm going to pay for it.
So fine, I won't apply for any scholarship, and so fine, my parents will have to find some way to pay for it all. There's financial aid, but no matter how many extra curriciular things I do after school, and no matter how of a good frickin' student I am, and no matter how exceptional my grades all, all anyone gives a damn about is frickin' SAT scores! Fuck the SATs! They don't properly show what the hell I can do, and then a part of me thinks, Why the fuck do we have to try so hard to please these colleges anyway? Let me in! Don't drain my parents of all their godddamn hard-earned money just because I want to have a goddamn future in something I can actually see myself doing. It's not fair. It seems small and childish for me to break down and say it, but it's not fair. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of licking the boots of the goddamn educational system just so I can do something with myself, I'm tired of letting them beat me with rules and regulations and standardized test scores, when I have so much more to prove than just some goddamn fucking numbers. Fuck them. Fuck them.
I want to sail away on a navy boat. Maybe it's the only way. I can get the experience I need for journalism and 100% of my tuiton would be paid by their GI bill or whatever the hell. I don't know how it works. All I know is that life on a boat sounds a lot better than being grounding by all of their goddamn rules. I suck at math, okay? I say fuck your tests and fuck your rules and regulations and fuck you trying to squeeze me in a box. Chains aren't good for students, fuck the chains, fuck you trying to label our potential with numbers. I have so much more to offer, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I don't even really give a shit about your college. I'm doing this so my parents won't look at me and think, what a loser. Because I know that's what they'd think, and I don't want to be a burden. So I'll do what they expect, but I don't want to.I was fine before, but then I remembered that SAT scores came out today, so I checked them, and lo and behold, my Math score only went up twenty points! Twenty frickin points. Fantastic. My writing score actually went down, and my reading score is exactly the same. But anyway, with a score this low, I'm not going to qualify for URI's merit scholarship program. It's too late to think about applying for any other scholarships - I put my eggs in one basket, just like everyone told me not to do, and now I'm going to pay for it.
So fine, I won't apply for any scholarship, and so fine, my parents will have to find some way to pay for it all. There's financial aid, but no matter how many extra curriciular things I do after school, and no matter how of a good frickin' student I am, and no matter how exceptional my grades all, all anyone gives a damn about is frickin' SAT scores! Fuck the SATs! They don't properly show what the hell I can do, and then a part of me thinks, Why the fuck do we have to try so hard to please these colleges anyway? Let me in! Don't drain my parents of all their godddamn hard-earned money just because I want to have a goddamn future in something I can actually see myself doing. It's not fair. It seems small and childish for me to break down and say it, but it's not fair. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of licking the boots of the goddamn educational system just so I can do something with myself, I'm tired of letting them beat me with rules and regulations and standardized test scores, when I have so much more to prove than just some goddamn fucking numbers. Fuck them. Fuck them.
Let me sail away from here. I can go into news and media on the navy and then on the ship, 100% of my tuiton will be paid. I won't have to be a burden. I don't want to be a burden. All I want to do is just be independent and be on my way, but everything keeps trying to stop me. God, I'm so fucking pissed, why am I writing this in school? I'll just start crying or something stupid. I need to stop thinking about it.
That Human Development paper is due Nov. 3rd and my goddamn partners haven't even done the research they were supposed to. I'm grilling them about it today. I'm pissed off right now, and no one can escape my wrath.