Remember that huge multi-genre site I joined a couple weeks ago? It was never supposed to be anything serious. It was just supposed to be this place that I'd join to get in a few roleplays and have somewhere to check back to - a home that was touch-and-go, you know? My relationship with the site has turned way more serious than that. I'm in a ton of epic roleplays, I post more than eight to ten times a day there, and when I'm not posting, I'm mindlessly refreshing the online user list, to see when other people are gonna post. Again, my posts aren't really that long there, so they're just quick things I bang out really easily, but still! It's taken over my mind, man. This was supposed to help my writing - to stimulate character creation, to make me feel like I belong somewhere. And I do belong! But I belong too much!
I have a lot of - well, I wouldn't say friends just yet, but acquaintances that come up with hilarious/epic plots, there's always someone to toss around plot ideas... I can't get out of it. And there's no way I want to leave. I haven't felt this accepted without being the admin of a forum since .... well, never. I've never felt accepted in any forum that I wasn't running before. And now here I am. I'm wondering if something will happen, like it always does, to make me leave, but I can't picture that happening. Everyone is so laid back - and yeah, there are a lot of noobs, but they're easy to dodge, really.
I don't know how to moderate myself. I don't even know what the hell to call myself anymore. At the start of the year, I was planning to write something every day, but then the sickness hit, so my plans were ruined. A month's already gone, there are only eleven months left to actually do something with 2011 - I feel like time's just slipping away.
And Senior Project's over, but so what - that doesn't mean that teachers aren't gonna put the pressure on me even more. Hell, I didn't go to school today, because there was a one hour delay, and that would mean Mom would have to take us. She's incredibly sick, so I told her to lay back down, don't worry about it, I'd stay home and take care of her today. Probably not the smartest move in retrospect, but I didn't give enough of a shit to go. It's hard for me to give a shit about anything except roleplaying on that frickin' addicting site. Is it okay, to be addicted to a site? I'm not sure if it is. I didn't mean to be addicted - it was supposed to help my writing, not hurt it.
I haven't wrote anything since the start of January, and I don't even know how to finish it. I don't know how to finish anything anymore.
There's also that thing with the writing blog I want to start after my birthday. Dude, why are so many "serious" writers:
A. old as the fuckin' hills,
B. stay-at-home moms who talk about their kids if they're not talking about their writing, if ever
C. old crotchety dudes
D. colour-blind and have no taste in blog skins
It's not me being ageist. I wouldn't care if they were old as the fuckin' hills if they didn't plaster pictures of themselves all over their blogs. Why do people gotta do that? This is the Internet, I don't want to know what you look like unless I've know you for years! I kind of just make up my own image of you as you go. Keep yourself off the Internet, god, all those pictures are just fodder for 4chan to scoop up and make macros of anyone - why do people post pictures of themselves online, I don't understand it! God. That's the beauty of the Internet, isn't it? You're an anonymous figure - hell, I'm anonymous right now since I haven't told you my full name. Despite the fact that my name (kiri catastrophe) is pretty much a Google search term now, I'm anonymous - because who have no idea who I am (unless you're![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
razzberree ) and have no idea what I look like. Once you post that picture up online, all of that goes away. Why would you want it to go away? Unless you keep it separate from your online persona, sure, but... Gah, it just pisses me off, okay?!
That's my rant. I gotta find a way to start writing again, or else I'm fucken screwed, bro.
I have a lot of - well, I wouldn't say friends just yet, but acquaintances that come up with hilarious/epic plots, there's always someone to toss around plot ideas... I can't get out of it. And there's no way I want to leave. I haven't felt this accepted without being the admin of a forum since .... well, never. I've never felt accepted in any forum that I wasn't running before. And now here I am. I'm wondering if something will happen, like it always does, to make me leave, but I can't picture that happening. Everyone is so laid back - and yeah, there are a lot of noobs, but they're easy to dodge, really.
I don't know how to moderate myself. I don't even know what the hell to call myself anymore. At the start of the year, I was planning to write something every day, but then the sickness hit, so my plans were ruined. A month's already gone, there are only eleven months left to actually do something with 2011 - I feel like time's just slipping away.
And Senior Project's over, but so what - that doesn't mean that teachers aren't gonna put the pressure on me even more. Hell, I didn't go to school today, because there was a one hour delay, and that would mean Mom would have to take us. She's incredibly sick, so I told her to lay back down, don't worry about it, I'd stay home and take care of her today. Probably not the smartest move in retrospect, but I didn't give enough of a shit to go. It's hard for me to give a shit about anything except roleplaying on that frickin' addicting site. Is it okay, to be addicted to a site? I'm not sure if it is. I didn't mean to be addicted - it was supposed to help my writing, not hurt it.
I haven't wrote anything since the start of January, and I don't even know how to finish it. I don't know how to finish anything anymore.
There's also that thing with the writing blog I want to start after my birthday. Dude, why are so many "serious" writers:
A. old as the fuckin' hills,
B. stay-at-home moms who talk about their kids if they're not talking about their writing, if ever
C. old crotchety dudes
D. colour-blind and have no taste in blog skins
It's not me being ageist. I wouldn't care if they were old as the fuckin' hills if they didn't plaster pictures of themselves all over their blogs. Why do people gotta do that? This is the Internet, I don't want to know what you look like unless I've know you for years! I kind of just make up my own image of you as you go. Keep yourself off the Internet, god, all those pictures are just fodder for 4chan to scoop up and make macros of anyone - why do people post pictures of themselves online, I don't understand it! God. That's the beauty of the Internet, isn't it? You're an anonymous figure - hell, I'm anonymous right now since I haven't told you my full name. Despite the fact that my name (kiri catastrophe) is pretty much a Google search term now, I'm anonymous - because who have no idea who I am (unless you're
razzberree ) and have no idea what I look like. Once you post that picture up online, all of that goes away. Why would you want it to go away? Unless you keep it separate from your online persona, sure, but... Gah, it just pisses me off, okay?!That's my rant. I gotta find a way to start writing again, or else I'm fucken screwed, bro.