03 November 2010 @ 09:28 pm
a girl who is unnaturally natural  
, There is absolutely no way for me to weasel my way out of interviewing Mr. Marc Dorcean on Nov. 5. Absolutely no way. My Latin teacher's wife told the senior project head about it and she says that this will be a "unique opportunity," and that I could base my the physical senior project... project around it. If my article is good enough to go in the Post, I will be exempt from making a video. The offer is so tempting - there is no way for me to refuse. This way, I don't have to bring dad's laptop to school just to show off some shitty video - this way, I can have my project over and done with before I'm even done with my hours! But am I capable of interviewing a famous musician?

Goddamnit, I'm just a kid! I'm only seventeen! I play video games and read Lord of the Rings, I'm not good enough for this sort of thing! But everyone believes so much in me. I'm not sure why. Everyone was pushing me today, telling me, You have to do this, you have to do this. And I don't have a choice in this matter, really. I've been so stressed out, that I was hoping my bum knee would collapse on me (like is usually does around this time of year, when it starts getting chilly) so I'd have an excuse to be absent and burn all their expectations of me, but I can't back out now.

I'm doing this so I don't have to bring dad's laptop to school... He loves that thing, I don't want to bring it to such an unholy place... And really, I don't really have a choice anymore. Somehow I've landed myself into this situation and nobody gives a damn about what I want anymore. They all think I'm some sort of overachiever, but I'm not, really. I'm just your average student. SAT score is somewhere around the 1600's, I get mostly A's except for a B/C in math sometimes... I'm exceptional at reading and writing, but that's it, really... I don't see the point in wasting your life away in grades and tests and etc... There's a life out there beyond the educational system, and once I get out of school, I'm never looking back.

I'll brainstorm interview questions later. I don't feel like thinking about it now.

I spent most of my time playing Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney today. Man, I love that game! I'm on Edgeworth's trial, Turnabout Goodbyes I think it's called, and we've just found out that the man in the boat rental shack could very well have been the one to the victim, not Edgey! I really love Edgeworth, he's probably got a spot for one of my top favorite characters of all time. He's cocky, confident, and cold, but when you see him being accused of murder, he definitely shows a human side that's so relatable! He's got so many secrets too... I have to remember not to read the spoilers on the wikis! They'll just ruin the game! And man, Phoenix is a total bro to Edgeworth, becoming a defense attorney just so he could get a hold of him... It's true friendship, I say! 

Oh, and as for my writing... I've decided... even though I spent all my time making notes for [community profile] origfic_bingo yesterday, I'm going to scrap them, and just make all of my prompts one shots. No... I don't have any ideas for one shots, just vague things, but that's probably the better way to do it. No one'll read anything that's got actual chapters, and the stories I want to tell can be told in one piece anyway. Yeah, I know, I worked so hard on my notes, but, like always, I'll just wing it! And if I'm good at anything, its crafting a good story. Kiri: master liar, storyteller, she thinks on her feet and isn't afraid of anything!
Current Mood: annoyed
28 October 2010 @ 12:19 pm
hey, kiri here. but i guess you already knew that.  
Yeah, yeah, it's me again. She (and by "she" I mean by Senior Project teach) wants me to start journaling about my hours with the freelancer, but I'll do that at home. I lied and said I've already got them done, but hell, they might as well be. All my notes about my time with him are at home, so I can't exactly start writing now. Anyway, I don't know why she's picking on me - no one else has freakin' journal entries done, so why bother me? I'm not exactly in the best mood right now...

I was fine before, but then I remembered that SAT scores came out today, so I checked them, and lo and behold, my Math score only went up twenty points! Twenty frickin points. Fantastic. My writing score actually went down, and my reading score is exactly the same. But anyway, with a score this low, I'm not going to qualify for URI's merit scholarship program. It's too late to think about applying for any other scholarships - I put my eggs in one basket, just like everyone told me not to do, and now I'm going to pay for it.

So fine, I won't apply for any scholarship, and so fine, my parents will have to find some way to pay for it all. There's financial aid, but no matter how many extra curriciular things I do after school, and no matter how of a good frickin' student I am, and no matter how exceptional my grades all, all anyone gives a damn about is frickin' SAT scores! Fuck the SATs! They don't properly show what the hell I can do, and then a part of me thinks, Why the fuck do we have to try so hard to please these colleges anyway? Let me in! Don't drain my parents of all their godddamn hard-earned money just because I want to have a goddamn future in something I can actually see myself doing. It's not fair. It seems small and childish for me to break down and say it, but it's not fair. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of licking the boots of the goddamn educational system just so I can do something with myself, I'm tired of letting them beat me with rules and regulations and standardized test scores, when I have so much more to prove than just some goddamn fucking numbers. Fuck them. Fuck them.
I want to sail away on a navy boat. Maybe it's the only way. I can get the experience I need for journalism and 100% of my tuiton would be paid by their GI bill or whatever the hell. I don't know how it works. All I know is that life on a boat sounds a lot better than being grounding by all of their goddamn rules. I suck at math, okay? I say fuck your tests and fuck your rules and regulations and fuck you trying to squeeze me in a box. Chains aren't good for students, fuck the chains, fuck you trying to label our potential with numbers. I have so much more to offer, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I don't even really give a shit about your college. I'm doing this so my parents won't look at me and think, what a loser. Because I know that's what they'd think, and I don't want to be a burden. So I'll do what they expect, but I don't want to.

Let me sail away from here. I can go into news and media on the navy and then on the ship, 100% of my tuiton will be paid. I won't have to be a burden. I don't want to be a burden. All I want to do is just be independent and be on my way, but everything keeps trying to stop me. God, I'm so fucking pissed, why am I writing this in school? I'll just start crying or something stupid. I need to stop thinking about it.

That Human Development paper is due Nov. 3rd and my goddamn partners haven't even done the research they were supposed to. I'm grilling them about it today. I'm pissed off right now, and no one can escape my wrath.
Current Mood: pissed off