catastrophic: (♕ about sam and the squid emperor)
2011-12-09 05:43 pm
Entry tags:

[sticky] spice life up with a dash of catastrophe



"Writing, at its best, is a lonely life." - Ernest Hemingway

____________________________________
semi-friends only.



This journal is mostly public, except for personal rants and ravings – so you're not missing much if you're not given access, trust me! Feel free to subscribe, and I'll subscribe back if I feel like we could be buddies, but don't feel bad if I don't! After all, it's best to take your time to get to know someone, right? Public posts are filled with my ramblings about life, video games, maybe anime/manga, etc., and private/access posts are usually about more personal things (ex. family, etc).

catastrophic: (♕ monochromic dreamers always lie)
2011-04-05 10:01 pm

smell ya later! /gary's theme

moving back to lj → kiramekii

Going back to LJ under the account name kiramekii.. If you wanna know why, see this post over at my LJ. No hard feelings to DW - but this place is a bit of a dead zone, so I'm going back to where all the fun's at. Hell, I'm not even sure why I left LJ. I've been back on LJ for three weeks or so and I'm glad to be back, so I don't think I'll be posting here anymore. Anyway, cheers, DW! T'was nice knowin' ya.
catastrophic: (♕ lives like icarus’ selfless greed)
2011-03-08 07:13 pm
Entry tags:

I AM A HYPOCRITE AND THAT MEANS I AM A HYPOCRITE

Ugh, roleplaying is a pain in my ass right now. Like, to be honest, I'm burned out. I can't keep up. I'm done. I mean, I do love that site but I feel like every post that I'm posting is another bit of brainpower that I could be working on Pridea with.

And also, I guess why I tire of roleplaying is that everything MOVES TOO FUCKEN SLOW. I'm not talking about normal forum RPs - you know, one with a set setting and you make characters to fit that setting? No, I'm talking like 'register roleplays,' where you come up with an idea, people sign up, and then the whole roleplay takes a thread? God, fuck doing this sort of thing - with strangers, anyway - if there's a cool plot, it takes forever for it to appear and in my case, you can waste months there and a plot never emerges! God! You're just creating character after character, plot after plot until you finally stop and question, "Why the fuck am I doing this?!"

I love plotting out ideas and characters and plot twists but I don't actually like writing them with people anymore because roleplays move slower than molasses running uphill in winter. Like, I don't know, it just seems overrated now, to post 800-1000+ words (sometimes) on one character interaction, when if you're writing by yourself, it's a lot easier to control where you want a story to go, how you want the tone to be - sometimes you can say, "Fuck writing this in order, let me just get to the good scene...!" God, screw waiting a billion years building up tension and drama.

With a person that I know personally roleplaying with me, it's better, because I know they're going to post and that I'm going to post, etc., but with strangers, its intolerable.

And I've decided that maybe blogging about writing isn't so bad... God, yes, I know I'm a hypocrite, I'm a huge hypocrite, but hopefully this is the last post you'll see me make about roleplaying, anyway. I'm trying to get back to my schedule of outlining Pridea - I want the outline done by the end of March or the very beginning of April at least, and it's coming along okay, I think... Man, I'm just really tired lately, just trying to cut back on the unnecessary stuff that I don't need...
catastrophic: (♕ paint a portrait of you fast asleep)
2011-03-02 04:12 pm
Entry tags:

I AM AS WISHY WASHY AS A WASHING MACHINE

Okay guys, this is a serious business post,

... actually, it's not really very serious business. This is just a personal update - I've decided that I'm not going to start that writing blog I was talking about so fondly - at least, not on Blogger.

Here's the truth about myself: I don't really give a damn about pretentious writers, or those who work in serious business writing groups, etc. Writers / authors who blog on Blogger are all old maids (40+) ... and I know, 40 isn't that old but fuck, I'm only eighteen, I'm not about to try to fit into a group that's populated with housewives that are older than me and have absolutely nothing in common with me, except for the fact that they write. I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea in the first place.

In the beginning of January I was reading a lot of writer and author blogs who acted like they were the AUTHORITY on the "correct" way to write novels - how writers should all have Blogger blogs and constantly work on establishing networks with other writers and getting their book out their and blah blah blah, that shit's not FUN man, it's not fun. I'm doing this my way. I'm not going to join Absolute Write and have discussions with pretentious fuckin' writers about the correct way to establish plot or how not to do dialogue ...

I absolutely hate when people treat writing like a science. I hate graphic organizers, I hate when people blog about how prologues are "out" and short chapters are "in" - fuck you, I'll write what I wanna write, and yes, people actually blog about how this crap. How can a prologue be "out"?! This isn't fuckin' Aeropostale you goddamn cushy housewife, this is writing. Sit your ass down and write and stop treating this like a science, so poor fucken retarded newbies to the trade will nod their heads and praise you for sounding so goddamn smart. 

I mean, it sounds like I'm just complaining about nothing, but for so long I was reading these author blogs every goddamn day (well, okay, just for two months, but those are two months of my life I ain't gonna get back!) thinking I was reading the equivalent to the holy lord's gospel, when really... you don't need a manual to write. Just fucken' write.

Also, I can't talk about my writing in a "formal" fashion for the life of me - fuck that, I can't put on airs in text. In real life, sure, but my blog is me and if I can't express myself fully than fuck it, I'm not doing it. I'm gonna have fun with this and do it my way.

Not joining Scribophile either. I know you get good crit there but it's also full of old ladies who think their writing is THE MOST SPECTACTULAR THING EVER and I can't mesh with that.
catastrophic: (♕ just like the prince of the jellies)
2011-03-01 10:58 pm

STUPID THINGS I DID TODAY

OH MY GOD GUYS.
IT'S TIME FOR...
STUPID THINGS KIRI DID TODAY!

1. Randomly snapping fingers and singing Tunnel Snakes Rule!! around the house.
LISTEN TO THE SONG. It'll never leave you. Never.
I listen to it before I go to school, before I go to bed, and before I take a shower. Dead serious.
I don't even know who the Tunnel Snakes are. But they fuckin' rule.

2. Did nothing Pridea-related.
WTF KIRI. GET CRACKING.

And then I...
3. Got involved in six different roleplay threads on that addicting forum I left and then went back to...
...
And I joined another roleplay too...
...

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.
Why can't I be productive?! WHY AM I SUCH AN ADDICT?! WRRRRRRRY.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY.

catastrophic: (♕ saints with souless sinner stares)
2011-02-28 08:56 pm

BETHSEDA MY ONE TRUE LOVE!

HEY GUYS,
IS ANYONE AWARE OF HOW FUCKEN AWSUM ELDER SCROLLS IV OBLIVION IS?!
... (Kiri, you're so late. You're so late it's not even funny.)

OKAY SO I've recently been playing Oblivion (it was a semi-birthday present - "We're at the mall now anyway, so while we buy the TV you can go shop around if you want. -  and one of the infuriating reasons why the rentals aren't getting me Dragon Age 2 until Christmas, yay...) and HOLY SHIT where has this game been all my life. Admittedly, I didn't think I would like it - hell I heard of it but I hadn't really, you know, been INFORMED about the SHEER LEVELS OF BADASSERY that this game has. Holy shit. It is by far the best RPG I have ever played in my life ever. SERIOUSLY, where has it been all my life?! I'm currently playing as a Redguard rogue and roleplaying through a character in a video game has never been so much fucking fun. I was never really able to get behind my character in Dragon Age / Mass Effect, they were just an avatar I used to play the game - but in Oblivion, I really feel like I am Demeter Larke (my character), and playing as her is ridiculously epic. Never in my life has a game been so much fuckin' fun. Seriously. I know Oblivion is the only Bethseda game I've ever played, but now I'm stoked for Skyrim and I really wanna find a copy of Fallout 3 and later Fallout: New Vegas because CHRIST these people are awesome at making immersive games. I prolly should mention that this is the first game I've ever played in first person (no, combat in Mass Effect doesn't count) so maybe that's part of the reason? But I want more from Bethseda. MOAR I SAY. Seriously, this is just... the best game ever. EVER.

SPEAKING OF AWESOME GAMES I'm also playing Baldur's Gate! Have not made much progress though. I started out playing a bard but I'm not really digging the spells bards get anyway, so I was gonna switch to a warrior but that's so fucken boring man, so now I'm not really sure what I'm doing and gaaaaargh! [personal profile] razzberree told me that this is seriously the best game she's ever played so I wanna do my first runthrough with a badass character BUT I keep switching and it's really fucken annoying that I can't just pick one...! I'm prolly gonna go back to my Bard - I got moderately far (psssh, not really) on that save slot so yeah, I'll just deal with it.

While we're on the topic of Bioware HOLY SHIT have you SEEN the DA2 characters? The Fenris from that game reminds me of my own beloved character Fenrisulfr Rotht. They both have that white hair, tortured mage thing going on, yeah? FFFFF, definitely romancing him first! I feel kind of left out though - like, a lot of those characters in DA2 are from Awakenings and hell if I played Awakenings, but I'm pretty sure you don't need to play Awakenings to get the story... hopefully...!

Oh, you know that writer's blog that I started? Well, that I said I was gonna start? Yeah, I made it, but I'm not sure what to post.

Like, I could talk about how I had to retcon everyone's ages in part one because ten year olds talking politics makes no fucken sense (they're thirteen now, and their confusion about the government, racism, and elitism makes a lot more sense coming from frustrated teens than innocent ten year old kids). I mean, Prideans are supposed to have above average intelligence so that's why I made them ten, but...

What the hell, why is it easy to talk about this now than in my other blog? Less pressure, I suppose? I guess I'll go try making a post again... And no, I'm not posting the link up to that blog here, not until I actually get a post up! It's literally got nothing in it now...

In Summary! OBLIVION is fucken awesome, Kiri does want Fallout 3, Kiri needs to play MOAR Baldur's Gate and actually post crap on her writing blog! DO IT NOWS.

catastrophic: (♕ run these streets and play for keeps)
2011-02-25 01:01 pm

I AM A ROLEPLAYER GODDAMNIT

I AM A ROLEPLAYER AND THAT MEANS I ROLEPLAY.

Had the biggest writer's block today - now I finally know what it means, to actually just have... this thing that happens and you just can't write anything. I really think it happened because I've been intentionally avoiding the few writerly friends I have, just literally going out of my way to make sure that I didn't have to talk to them, just 'cause I didn't feel like it. Today I broke down and IM'd them all, and kind of avoided answering why I had been away for so long.

Seriously, I don't get why I'm so antisocial? It's like there's a wall between me and everyone else, except [personal profile] razzberree , who is more like family to me - I can't recall a time when there ever was a wall between us, if there ever was. I want to make more strong relationships with people, but I'm so shy about it, it takes forever for me to type because I'm constantly analyzing everything I say, hoping I don't come out sounding like a total dweeb. But I've been working hard on Pridea, and I can't work on it all the time - it helps to talk to other people who are also writing, or roleplaying, so I know I'm not alone? Or maybe it just helps to stop being in my shell all the time, because I'm human, and as a human, I need other humans? I don't know.

SPEAKING OF ROLEPLAYING, I've been working diligently on outlining Pridea (yay for working out over 9000 plot kinks...) but like I said, I get these huge blocks where my mind just refuses to work on it, so I'm thinking I need to work on something else. I'm thinking I should just break down and join a frickin' roleplay but my mind is like, "NOOOO, don't do it, Kiri, you'll regret it!" But I really, really need to, or at least, I think I need to.

I get a headache when I talk to too many people. I just can't find the right balance.

catastrophic: (♕ they do not talk about grievers)
2011-02-13 02:21 pm
Entry tags:

flipping off poseidon and then going for a swim

Yo! Guess who's been playing FF13? Could it be... KIRI!? Well, duh, who else!

My birthday isn't until the 15th, but I got my present early (since my birthday's on a school day this year, gross...) which was a 32" TV! Thanks, Dad! I was supposed to get a new rolly-chair too, but shit happens, but hell, who's complaining? No, I didn't get FF13 for my birthday - I got it for Christmas, actually, but I heard that the graphics in this game were beast, so I decided to wait until my birthday to play it. I've been meaning to talk about the video games I've been playing for a while now, but I just never got around to it... BUT, I finally finished Disc 1 of FF13 (which didn't take too long, actually... but I heard the other discs are way longer, which is a relief) so I figured, what better time to talk about my first impressions of the game?

In which Kiri gives her analysis of FFXIII: Disc One... )

(Hopefully this game isn't longer than Tales of Vesperia - I still haven't beaten that goddamn game....)
catastrophic: (♕ about sam and the squid emperor)
2011-02-05 01:17 am
Entry tags:

kiri's epic plan to success and having a youthful vibrant life

OKAY. YOU HAVE A LOT OF BAD HABITS, MISSY.
TIME TO STOP BEING SUCH A LOSER.

First of all... STOP ROLEPLAYING GODDAMNIT. Don't give me that shit about how it builds characters - IT WASTES FRICKIN TME. Plus, the only thing you like doing in roleplays is making the goddamn characters. Once it comes time to post, if you actually have to take longer than twenty minutes to write something, you'll claim that it's useless and ignore it. SOON, PEOPLE WILL GET MAD AT YOU. It's because the site doesn't take yourself seriously - soon you won't take yourself seriously! You are who your friends are and all that jazz...

ALSO, devART is for looking at art. For looking at prompts. NOT FOR POSTING UP WRITING. Seriously, all the writers there are lame as all hell. DO NOT POST PRIDEA PIECES ON DEVART ESPECIALLY. It'd be nice if you could just close your damn account there, but you need it to be subscribed to frickin' writing groups, so just lurk. DON'T EVEN POST JOURNAL ENTRIES. Who gives a fuck if people miss you, they don't do anything except post on your journal entries with cutesy little hug emoticons. Seriously, just lurk there. Don't bother posting anything up. After all, you want comments/feedback on your work, right? You ain't gonna get it from devART.

OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN. YOU NEED TO FINISH PRIDEA BEFORE NOVEMBER (so you can participate in NaNoWriMo for once in your goddamn life) and YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE. You also need to START YOUR BLOGGER BLOG, but not before you WRITE MORE and JOIN the Absolute Write forum and POST said writings (that are not Pridea writing!) for comments/feedback on SCRIBOPHILE.

Did you get all that? Do you need me to spell it out for you? Okay, fine, here goes.

1. WRITE MORE STUFF. Why not finish that goddamn Bingo card you lazy sack of shit.

2. POST STUFF ON SCRIBOPHILE. You'll get comments for sure! And Scribo is full of actual writers, you'll learn a lot there. (DO NOT POST YOUR SHIT ON FIGMENT, That place is like the plague. Do not go there by any means!) With Scribo, you can choose to make your work private to users who aren't logged in, so it's not a public acrhive like devART is, which makes me feel a little more comfortable about posting my writing up.

3. START WRITING BLOG. On Blogger. Don't worry about connecting with people just yet, that'll come. Just blog about the actual writing process, any problems you have about Pridea, etc. DO NOT POST EXCERPTS. DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH (IF AT ALL) ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. Fuck, that's what this blog is for. You can, however, talk about any and all things fantasy - 'cause it'll be a fantasy writing blog. See what I did there? Fantasy video games, fantasy anime...

4. JOIN ABSOLUTE WRITE. The ultimate writing forum. Ask for crit on some of your non-essential works that you already got crit on from Scribo - it's fine, you're just doing it to get to know them. Talk to writers. Don't try too hard to give a shit about them if some of them are boring as fuck. There are interesting writers out there... you just have to look. Get to know people - give criticism when you can. Remember - you're not a pro, some of these people, however, have been giving good crits for years. Keep a look out for anyone who is trustworthy enough to be your future beta-reader. That's the whole

ALRIGHT. If you follow those easy steps, you'll start getting more serious about writing and moving away from this kiddy atmosphere. You're movin' on up, kid! Soon, you'll be around other writers, if all goes according to plan. And lets hope it goes according to plan... Remember, you can't join Scribo until you're eighteen, so just start WRITING SOME SHIT so you can get back in the groove, okay? Okay. ... But wait, you thought I was done? Hell no! You've been a lazy sack of shit all of 2010, you think I'm gonna let you sit on your ass for another year? HELL NO.

FINISH PRIDEA GODDAMNIT.
You've had ample time. Now I'm giving you until October 31, 2011 at 11:49 PM to finish the goddamn thing.

HERE'S THE PLAN.
FEB - MARCH/APRIL: THE PLANNING STAGES. GET ALL THE DAMN DETAILS DOWN. YEAH, ALL OF EM. YOU HEARD ME! I don't want any inconsistencies. I want every single character, every single tech gadget, every single detail about their food analyzed so nothing contradicts the other. Use the old Pridea Encyclopedia you made and then add on to it. Get the plot down. Get the ending down. Evaluate whether bringing in Kaiden Kairo at all is a good idea or not.

APRIL - OCT: FINISH THE DAMN BOOK. Should be pretty easy once you get everything down. That's ample time. Hell, you can write 150K in a month, so why the hell do you need all this time, anyway? The book definitely should not be longer than 200K, I mean, 150K is pushing it, isn't it? The first time you started, Part I took 150K, but that's because you didn't really know what you were doing. Get all the details down, but leave a little wiggle room, and you should be fine.

Okay, the plan's pretty flexible. Admittedly, it'll probably take me longer to get the Encyclopedia ready than it would to actually write the book (in theory, anyway... that's not scheduling in writer's blocks and me just not giving a damn about anything....) but as long as I get it done before Oct, I'll be fine. I mainly want to participate in NaNoWriMo not so much for the actual challenge, but for the networking that comes with that month. It's a time when writers band together like they never will again in any time of the month, so it's really important that I join, especially since this year will be my first 'debuting' on the writing scene. You know, the actual writing scene, not fucken devART or amateur  LJ/DW writing communities. The more connections I amass that can help me through this, the better.

If for some reason I don't finish Pridea before November (which I really hope doesn't happen - I'll work my hardest to make sure it doesn't) then... I'm not sure what I'll do. I won't be able to get a sketch out for another novel (will I?) so I'd probably have to skip it, unless, somehow, I can find the time to sketch out a mini-ish novel just for kicks (probably starring one of the many characters I have locked away the corners of my mind) just so I can have fun with the whole thing. It really can be super fun, and I really want to join it again.

Okay, good work, you've actually got a plan laid out! But can you follow it? Work hard!
catastrophic: (♕ justice is cleansing therapeutic fire)
2011-02-03 12:22 pm
Entry tags:

i fight battles i can never finish

Remember that huge multi-genre site I joined a couple weeks ago? It was never supposed to be anything serious. It was just supposed to be this place that I'd join to get in a few roleplays and have somewhere to check back to - a home that was touch-and-go, you know? My relationship with the site has turned way more serious than that. I'm in a ton of epic roleplays, I post more than eight to ten times a day there, and when I'm not posting, I'm mindlessly refreshing the online user list, to see when other people are gonna post. Again, my posts aren't really that long there, so they're just quick things I bang out really easily, but still! It's taken over my mind, man. This was supposed to help my writing - to stimulate character creation, to make me feel like I belong somewhere. And I do belong! But I belong too much!

I have a lot of - well, I wouldn't say friends just yet, but acquaintances that come up with hilarious/epic plots, there's always someone to toss around plot ideas... I can't get out of it. And there's no way I want to leave. I haven't felt this accepted without being the admin of a forum since .... well, never. I've never felt accepted in any forum that I wasn't running before. And now here I am. I'm wondering if something will happen, like it always does, to make me leave, but I can't picture that happening. Everyone is so laid back - and yeah, there are a lot of noobs, but they're easy to dodge, really.

I don't know how to moderate myself. I don't even know what the hell to call myself anymore. At the start of the year, I was planning to write something every day, but then the sickness hit, so my plans were ruined. A month's already gone, there are only eleven months left to actually do something with 2011 - I feel like time's just slipping away.

And Senior Project's over, but so what - that doesn't mean that teachers aren't gonna put the pressure on me even more. Hell, I didn't go to school today, because there was a one hour delay, and that would mean Mom would have to take us. She's incredibly sick, so I told her to lay back down, don't worry about it, I'd stay home and take care of her today. Probably not the smartest move in retrospect, but I didn't give enough of a shit to go. It's hard for me to give a shit about anything except roleplaying on that frickin' addicting site. Is it okay, to be addicted to a site? I'm not sure if it is. I didn't mean to be addicted - it was supposed to help my writing, not hurt it.

I haven't wrote anything since the start of January, and I don't even know how to finish it. I don't know how to finish anything anymore.

There's also that thing with the writing blog I want to start after my birthday. Dude, why are so many "serious" writers:

A. old as the fuckin' hills,
B. stay-at-home moms who talk about their kids if they're not talking about their writing, if ever
C. old crotchety dudes
D. colour-blind and have no taste in blog skins

It's not me being ageist. I wouldn't care if they were old as the fuckin' hills if they didn't plaster pictures of themselves all over their blogs. Why do people gotta do that? This is the Internet, I don't want to know what you look like unless I've know you for years! I kind of just make up my own image of you as you go. Keep yourself off the Internet, god, all those pictures are just fodder for 4chan to scoop up and make macros of anyone - why do people post pictures of themselves online, I don't understand it! God. That's the beauty of the Internet, isn't it? You're an anonymous figure - hell, I'm anonymous right now since I haven't told you my full name. Despite the fact that my name (kiri catastrophe) is pretty much a Google search term now, I'm anonymous - because who have no idea who I am (unless you're [personal profile] razzberree ) and have no idea what I look like. Once you post that picture up online, all of that goes away. Why would you want it to go away? Unless you keep it separate from your online persona, sure, but... Gah, it just pisses me off, okay?!

That's my rant. I gotta find a way to start writing again, or else I'm fucken screwed, bro.
catastrophic: (Default)
2011-01-30 09:12 pm
Entry tags:

i'm not sick but i'm sure as hell not well

I have accepted the fact that I need to roleplay in order to stimulate my character-creation process, and to help me think of different stories to write. Even though I have Pridea, my biggest fear is one day being unable to create an interesting character or storyline, so roleplaying helps me keep that fresh. However, I have also accepted the fact that most people who forum roleplay on zetaboards and invisionfree and proboards are going to have their sites shut down eventually. I've learned that I can't join big-time roleplays where you need to fill out huge character profiles, because that just kills my writing groove.

So I've joined this fairly large multi-genre forum that's been around for who the hell knows how long, under a totally different alias - one I've never taken before. I'm not there to do serious, big-time RPs, I'm there to just kind of have fun, make cool characters I can use for myself later on, get inspired from other people's thoughts, and do quick posts that are fun, but full of quality. I'm doing some "guilty pleasure" roleplays right now - one big one I'm in is just some girls and bishies running a cafe, filled with faux romance (I say faux because we're paired up) and hilarious drama - which is only made hilarious because my character is the most badass hilarious guy ever, but I digress.

To be honest, I'm still very confused about where I want to go with my writing and I want to do to connect with other writers, but getting a blog on Blogspot is still my best bet. I still have to write, but for some reason, I haven't been in the mood. It's not a writer's block - it's just me not wanting to do it. My sickness in the beginning of the year threw off most of my enthusiasm to write, so I've been left in this limbo state. Ever since I finished Senior Project, I haven't been sure of what to do, or how to do it... Like I'm just this person, sitting, waiting to start college so I can get on with being independent already.

Had a dream last night, where I was a student in some magical school (not Hogwarts) and I had this teacher, right, that I really adored. Then, somehow, I had the power to read minds, and when I read his mind, he was thinking, "That student is filthy magic mixer" or something. "Magic mixer" or magic weaver, is someone who mixes two elements of magic and uses them to attack. I was probably thinking something along the lines of Fable III... Anyway, apparently people who do that are considered heathens, and I had been doing it, but in secret. The next time I saw my teacher, I looked at him, and he gave me this all-knowing look, like he knew that I had read his mind and knew what he really thought of me, so he didn't have to pretend anymore. The look he gave me was so overwhelming that I ran away crying.

I made my way to the basement, where a tall man dress in an ornate black robe greeted me. I said to him, "Please don't kill me" and he asked, "Why would I do that?" What was funny was, in the back of my mind, I thought, "What, no cutscene? He's not going to persuade me to join his side?" The dream kind of glitched out and died from there. I just find it kind of funny how it ended, really...
catastrophic: (♕ just like the prince of the jellies)
2011-01-02 10:17 pm
Entry tags:

returning from neverland, or something

I've been feeling so tired lately, but I'm not sure why. It's draining, really - but that's probably the fault of Christmas break. If you laze around for too much, it really takes the drive out of you to do anything that requires you to actually think... I think.That's one reason why I haven't been posting, but another is because, well, like usual, I'm lost. Again.

For a while, I was doubting the point of me blogging constantly here... What's the point, you know? Like I said in my last post, when I turn eighteen, or when the school year ends, or when I start writing more frequently, I plan to start a writing blog  about my writing and the process I'm going through with writing... So I can connect to other writers, because really, I need that connection. I've been without it for so long, I've no idea how I've been functioning without it! But you know, I'll still keep this blog as well. It's comforting, to know that this can always be a place for me to blog about whatever the hell I want, no matter what. However, I don't think I'll post my writing up here - if I post it at all, it'll currently be on devART.

My New Year Resolutions are to read, write, and exercise every day! Although I didn't do that yesterday or today... but I'll get on that, you'll see!

Short post is short, I know, but I'm tired! Gotta go to school tomorrow... That dreaded place! I'm actually kind of glad to get back to the ol' bump and grind. Maybe now I can stop being so tired all the damn time...
catastrophic: (♕ paint a portrait of you fast asleep)
2010-12-09 08:15 pm

kiri sometimes mispells "right?" as "write?"

The freelancer came over to my house today, so we could snap a photo together for senior project. He was super nice and everyone loved him, even my mom, who doesn't love anyone. The picture was... eh, it was okay. I mean, I hate taking pictures of myself anyway, so I guess okay, for me, is a good thing. Before he left, I gave him this card that I got for him and a gift card to Dunkin Donuts, since he's always drinking coffee... No seriously, he's always drinking coffee! All the time. He really liked the gift, it was so awesome to see him so happy! The freelancer was easily the best mentor anyone could've ever asked for, and without him... Well, where would I be? I'm determined to ace this senior project shit now. I'm gonna make the most bamf backboard, my research paper (that I still haven't started) is gonna be the best you've ever seen, and my speech is going to blow the judges away. Hell, frickin' yes! I am so pumped and I don't even know why! ... WHOOOOT.

Speaking of photos... I really want to get into photography! I was on deviantART the other day and I came across this amazing photo that really made me go, "Wow, that's beautiful!" I know there's no scenary as beautiful as that in Rhode Island... but I'd really love to give it a go! Can you take ridiculously cool photos with a simple digital camera like mine? It's just some really crappy brand, it's a Cybershoot I think... It's nothing amazing, but I really want to get into it! Granted, real pros don't use digitals, I don't think... I was reading this one article on photography where the photographer used film, obviously, and he had metal cabinets all around his house full of photos, files upon files... Photos are really something amazing - it's a form of art that I think anyone can be good at if you're willing to put some work into it!  Besides, I'm going to be a journalist, aren't I? (But are you?) I can use that as an excuse to start practicing taking pictures... Hehe...

To suddenly and dramatically change topics, I had a weird dream Sunday night and it's been bothering me all week.

In which Kiri rambles on about an interesting dream she had... )

Despite how strange the dream was, I'll have to put off thinking about it for later. I have to ace senior project first, then life can finally move along.

catastrophic: (♕ justice is cleansing therapeutic fire)
2010-12-08 09:07 pm

the best way to waste time is by ruining your childhood

So we were having an interesting discussion in Latin class today - okay, maybe not discussion, but my Latin teach tossed some interesting ideas at us.

I'm not sure how it all started really - someone asked him, "Have your kids seen Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" Haha, he talks a lot about his kids, so its not as weird to ask about them as it might seem... Anyway, he said, "I'm not letting my kids watch that movie." We were all kind of shocked, except for me, because I don't really give a damn about children, and everyone was like, well, why not?!

"Well, what happens in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" he asked. We were all kind of like, do you want us to summarize the whole movie for you? We all totally pulled a blank, me especially because to be honest I don't ever remember seeing that movie... (insert dramatic, shocked outbursts here) but according to my Dad, I totally did, but whatever. Anyway, he starts telling us how Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is not an innocent little Christmas story, but one with a TOTALLY DARK AGENDA and it's pretty interesting food for thought. Seriously!

So what does happen in this movie? Rudolph's born with a red nose and his parents are kind of shocked but they love him and raise him all the same. When it comes time for the Reindeer Games, they shove a piece of coal on Rudolph's nose so people don't make fun of him, and send him off to have a good time. It starts out fine at first - he makes friends with Firebolt and a little doe named Clarice is totally into him. When it comes time for the takeoff, Clarice calls Rudolph cute and he starts freakin' out. He's like, "I'm cute! I'm cute!" He goes to do the takeoff and totally aces it, and everyone's like, "Rudolph! YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DOG." And he starts freakin' out and being super happy, and then the coal falls off his nose! Everyone is totally freaked out, and everyone starts laughing and calling him names... I don't remember any of them, I remember someone calling him "rainbow puss" for some reason which could totally be an innuendo...

Anyway, THEN SANTA ARRIVES. We must remember that this is SANTA we're talking about. He's a paragon to little kids everyone, seen as a figure of good, righteousness, and lovableness. Santa is someone every kid loves and looks up to, right? Well, this so-called nice guys go up to Rudolph's dad and says, and I quote! "You should be ashamed! He had such a nice takeoff too..." ... Wait, what? Rudolph's dad should be ashamed for having a kid who's different? WHAT. Santa, how could you? He should be ashamed?!

Everyone at this point was like, "Well, that's irrelevant! Rudolph was accepted in the end, and everyone loved him, right?"

Well, why was he accepted? Because he was useful. He was useful to the big man Santa Claus, so now he's okay. It's totally acceptable to have him around now, because he had a service that proved useful to BIG MAN SANTA. Otherwise, would Santa have given a shit? Hell no! Go sleep with the abominable snowman, he doesn't need you. If Rudolph had been born with some other defect that couldn't help him, like blue feet or a green tail, do you think Santa would've cared? Nope. We sing and praise Rudolph because he's what all those who are different should be: useful. And if you're not useful, GTFO.

Everyone's childhoods: SHATTERED.

In other news, here's the status on my senior project...



I got a lot of shit to do on the weekend...

REMEMBER REMEMBER THE DEADLY 15th OF DECEMBER! (7 days left)
catastrophic: (♕ just like the prince of the jellies)
2010-12-07 11:31 pm

qwop, the greatest game ever played

It's 11:25 PM and I'm about to go to bed, so there's no time to type out a real journal entry! Instead, have QWOP!

Yosh, QWOP! Basically, QWOP is a hilarious as hell flash game that everyone's been playing lately. The game goes like this: you're an Olympic runner, and all you have to do is run 100 meters, from start to finish. Easy, right? Wrong! You can only control the runner's thighs and calves, on both of his legs. The Q and W keys move his thighs, and O and P moves his legs. Thus, QWOP. The game is ridiculously impossible, but addicting and hilarious as all hell. You'll fall on your face and die so many times, your runner's legs will twist and bend in impossible angles... and every time I died, I laughed my ass off. You can play QWOP over here, but you've gotta watch this vid before you do, seriously...
In which Kiri lawls out loud to this guy's QWOP commentary, and promises you will too... )
catastrophic: (♕ saints with souless sinner stares)
2010-12-05 09:08 pm
Entry tags:

a roleplayer is born! kiri's getting wrapped up in this again?

In which Kiri remembers the time she spent roleplaying on LJ... )

Anyway, I was thinking about the things I missed on LJ and I immediately remembered roleplaying. And then, what do you know? An active community on DW pops up! Say hello to [community profile] forestofdreamers ! It's a pan-fandom roleplay, so you can roleplay any character from any fandom at any time, whether they be AU characters, characters that you've given your own backgrounds to (like Grey Wardens and Shepards) or just totally original characters in general! The head mod is super nice and seems to have a lot of dedication to the project, so I doubt it's going to go anywhere anytime soon! I'm so excited, because DW is more of a home to me than LJ ever was, and to finally have a place to roleplay... It's the best!

I already made a character journal! Meet [personal profile] rokusasu , aka Roxas, of course! It was a big decision - choosing who I'd play first, Riku or Roxas, but in the end I choose Roxas, mainly 'cause I found icons for him quicker... Sorry Riku! I do plan to bring Riku eventually, along with Zack Fair, Larxene, Kadaj, and Denzel, the usual crew! Also, because they don't mind if you alter the canon, I've altered Roxas so that he functions a little more like the Roxas on my old forum - restless, searching for something (his friend, Axel) and I've had him search for his heart too. His bio is over on his profile, so go check it out, damnit! Oh, he also doesn't know who Xion is (mainly because I don't know who Xion is) and his memory of her is completely wiped out. On the off chance that I run into a Xion, he will completely pull a blank.

I also should point out that you don't need to make a profile to play there... I just did 'cause I'm so old-school like whoa.

I'm probably going to add on histories to the other characters so they remind me of how they were on the old forum, too. Larxene isn't going to be so explosive and immature, but scheming and a little calmer, traits she picked up from Zexion after working with him for so long. Zack Fair was never dead, pfffft, but he was revived by Lazard after spending eight months in a basement deep in Midgar. Kadaj... man, his whole history is so different from the canon history in Advent Children... Not sure what I'm doing with him yet, but he's on a mission to eliminate Sephiroth and revive Jenova, no surprise. Denzel was never raised by Cloud, hah, but by Cid! He swears and he bombs everyone to hell with explosives.
 
Who's stoked? Kiri's stoked!

Who didn't use the weekend to work on her research paper?! .... Kiri!
Oh my god, I'm so frickin' screwed. I'll just work on it during the week, no worries, no worries.

Remember, remember, the deadly 15th of December!
catastrophic: (Default)
2010-12-03 10:04 pm

i really don't need anymore spinoffs 'kay thanks

So today I went shopping for my sister's Christmas presents and presents for myself. Yeah, how the hell does that work? Well, basically, Mom gave me a couple of hundred dollar bills and told me to "get [your] ass in Gamestop and go buy your goddamn presents - I'm tired of looking like an idiot in that store." I took Dezy and we went inside. The guys inside Gamestop were pretty cool, I found all of my stuff - Birth by Sleep and KH: Days anyway, didn't find FF X - and Dezy found Pokepark Wii and Pokemon: Guardian Signs but we didn't find Super Paper Mario.

I was hesitant to ask anyone 'cause I've heard horror stories about shitty service at Gamestop, but the guy who helped us was a total bro. When I told him the game was for my sister, he was like, "Don't worry, we'll find Mario!" And he made a big deal acting like a goofball in front of my sister looking for the game on the shelves, talking in this really bad Italian accent all the while. I've never encountered someone so goddamn goofy in my entire life, but Dezy thought he was hilarious as all hell. Anyway, we still didn't find it, and all he did was waste our time, really, but Dezy didn't seem to mind. She really loves the Mario RPG series and we never did get around to buying Super Paper Mario, so I really hope we find it... Mom kind of rolled her eyes and was like, "You should think of another game, then." But I'll just ask Dad if we can keep looking for it, she really wants that game and this is the only time of year we can actually get video games, so I really wanna find it for her...

Later we went to Walmart and I snuck a Nintendo Power magazine in the cart. By the time mom noticed, it was already rung up, so +1 points for me! There was a huge Kingdom Hearts article in this edition, and it talks mostly about re:Coded and KH 3D. Yeah, KH: 3D, another goddamn spinoff. Why, Nomura, why? Why can't you just make a goddamn sequel to KH II? Would that really be so hard? I'm looking at the screenshots from the game (like, there's only four pictures) and I see Twilight Thorn in Traverse Town, Sora and Riku in Destiny Islands, and Riku running around Traverse Town, all in their KH I outfits. Yay for rehashed bosses... Anyway, in the interview, Nomura said that in the E3 trailer, the sky was "raining Soras" which makes my mind bleed. Does it connect with the KH I opening, how Sora saw himself falling from the sky? (Wasn't that a goddamn dream though?) And why do characters have to fall dramatically in KH games anyway...

Also, about re:Coded... Nomura, who the hell told you that you could turn KH into a puzzle game? I just cannot play puzzle games, puzzles are not fun. In most Pokemon games, whenever it came time to go down the Victory Road, I'd pull up an online walkthrough 'cause I sure as hell wasn't gonna sit around for hours solving strength puzzles... In Zelda games, it takes me forever to progress when there's some tricky puzzle, and I won't touch Professor Layton games with a ten foot pole. I don't want to solve puzzles, puzzles are not fun! So, I do not want to play a KH game where I must solve puzzles! This should be very simple logic, Nomura! Oh, and another thing - apparently, you don't play as Sora, but you play as a "Data Form" of Sora, who acts differently than Sora would. 'Kay, so... what's the point of playing as Sora? Why don't we just play as Roxas then - whoops, he's "dead."

The horrible thing is that one day I will eventually buy this game when it's gone down to like $20 at Gamestop, or something...
(That's what I did with KH: Days anyway.)

Blah, whatever. I'm going to go sit down and watch anime, and no one can stop me! Seriously, I've missed like 3+ episodes of Star Driver, and I need my weekly dosage of GALACTIC PRETTY BOI. And I'm also watching Togainu no Chi, which is this gay anime (literally) that has really bad animation. It's one of those "so bad it's good" sort of deals, except it's not really good but hilariously good but really bad... Lol, I don't know! ... I JUST LIKE WATCHING IT OKAY. . Like, everyone is a guy in this anime, and everyone secretly wants to bone the main dude, but no one ever does. DO IT ALREADY. BE A MAN. A MANLY MAN.

Okay, okay, I'm going! That's like, two blog posts in a day, I know, I'm horrible ... I JUST HAVE A LOT TO SAY.
catastrophic: (♕ nonbelievers say we’re so cold)
2010-12-02 10:34 pm

kiri still has too much shit to do and still wants to sleep

We had a crazy power outage yesterday, it shut off all the power in our house around 8:00 PM, and we didn't have it again until... Well, I don't know when it came back on, 'cause I decided to just go to bed when the power shut off. It was crazy ridiculous man, but to be honest, it's not like I had anything important to do. I probably would've just goofed off on the Internet like I always do, doing absolutely nothing. It's not like I don't have anything better to do, really! I need to get working on my research paper, which I'll do this weekend, I guess... I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my backboard, but I'll do that the weekend after this one, I guess... I can't work on my backboard without knowing what the hell's gonna be in my research paper, I swear I'm not just stalling! (Okay, it's a little bit of me just stalling, but I really think if I wait 'til the weekend, it'll turn out much better, honest!)

Today, my guidance counselor called me in the office to talk about my plans for college and all that. Honestly, this is the one thing I don't want to talk about - and don't you have better things to do with your time than grill me about college applications? I told her that I don't know what I'm doing - that either I'll apply to CCRI for two years and then transfer to URI for the last two years of my journalism major, or just go to URI all the way. In all honesty, that's a lie, I really don't know if I want to do journalism or not. A part of me thinks that its okay to just wait a year, sort out your life, and then apply if you know that's what's really right for me, but the pressure is on from all sides of the fire. Mom, Dad, my intern teach, my guidance counselors, they all expect sort epic shit to come from me and I really don't know what to make of it. Oh, and they said that I have grades that say I should be in National Honor Society... but to be honesty, National Honor Society isn't all that important to me. Why couldn't they have told me this in junior year? I mean, I've only got my first quarter grades out now - why did they wait so late?

(It's because you're from Tolman, the drop out factory, they assumed you were stupid.)

Yeah, but my junior year grades definitely proved that I wasn't. It's just annoying because they told me this now when senior project deadlines are coming at me from all directions and everyone's putting fire under my ass for me to get everything turned in by the deadly and almighty DECEMBER 15th. Everybody, FEAR THE ALMIGHTY DECEMBER 15th! Okay, but seriously - to get in, you need 15 hours of community service (check), you need to write a general essay about your personality (would that really be so hard), and get a teacher to write a letter of recommendation for you to get in, but I can't use my intern teach 'cause he's on the NHS board.

Okay, that's a little hard. I would ask my current English teacher, but I don't like him 'cause he's this airhead who doesn't teach and just talks about ghost stories all day and when it comes time to write, I dunno, RESEARCH PAPERS, he kind of just leaves us to our own devices. It's been two years since I've written a research paper and it'd be nice if I could get some instruction on how he wants this piece of shit set up, but no. Hey, I like ghost stories dude. I love creepypasta and I love getting a good scare everyone once and a while, sure, and paranormal stories are bamf, but this is English class, dude! And we need to have an essay in by the 15th, an essay you haven't told us how you want it to be started, how to structure it, where you want the thesis statement (some teachers like it at the beginning - like my Freshie English teach - while others want it on the end - like my Soph English teach). Some clarification would be nice!

Somehow, I will get all this shit done, and I will definitely get it done before Christmas break and have a very merry Christmas indeed! I haven't been able to get in the holiday spirit because of this shit. I wanted to make a homemade advent calendar this year, haha, but fuck that. Next year I'll probably have a job and I'll be able to buy materials to actually make a decent lookin' one instead, though.

When I sat down to blog today, I had no idea what I was going to write, I didn't even feel like writing in the first place, but then I came across this quote on a blog about blogging and felt inspired a little:

In which Kiri renews her love of blogging through random quotes... )
catastrophic: (♕ only the valkyries can win this war)
2010-11-30 10:44 am

kiri has too much to do and all she wants to do is sleep

I'm at school yet again, blogging from the library's computer lab. Don't ask me why we're here, my math teach thought it'd be a good idea to give us this assignment where we'd need to use the computers to imput these really ridiculous problems into this math gizmo thing... Yeah, don't ask.

I talked to the freelancer last night, and he wants me to write one more article. Once that's done, I'll have six hours under my belt, and I'll be done with 3/4 of my senior project. I've been really nervous about writing it, for some reason. Apparently, he wants me to interview a teacher here, one I've never even heard of, and do a quick article about her earning National Certification or whatever. Dude, I don't even know what National Certification is, nor do I really care, nor do I know who this teacher is. I really don't want to write it, but I'm not going to complain, because he was nice enough to give it to me, in order to get all my hours done. I should be grateful, really!

But I have so much to do already! I have to start outlining my research paper that I haven't even worked on, nor do I have all the five sources I need to write it, I need to start thinking about how in the hell I'm going to decorate my backboard (why do I need a backboard to give a speech anyway? it shouldn't be necessary, nor a vital part of my grade...) and I still have to organize my Senior Project binder, so when the judges see it, they don't think I'm a total slob.

Blah. Writing the article shouldn't be too hard. I've got my old recorder to work, so I'll use that to record the audio, so I won't have to worry too much about taking copious notes. I'll think of really good questions to ask that teacher when I get home, and then tomorrow, ask her the frickin questions and just get it over with.

The thing is... I don't mind writing articles in general. When I have a fun topic, it can be really interesting! Blah, but I just don't give a damn about Nation Certification or anything like that, and I have so much else to do, but, I'll just get 'er done. I'm not sure why I didn't say no. Why didn't I say no?! Why is it that when I feel indebted to people, I find it so hard to so no? Why does he need me to write another article anyway, why can't he just sign off that I did three hours or something, gahhh...

(Kiri, you shouldn't be whining! It takes like twenty minutes for you to write a goddamn article and you're good at it too, so shuddap!)

Fine, fine...
I also need my transcript, but I'll get that tomorrow. I have no idea how to go about getting it so yeah, that can wait.

My mom wants me to get the flu shot - I lied and told her that we're getting the flu shot at school, when really they've already had it here, I just chose not to go. I haven't had the H1N1 flu shot since it came out a year ago and I don't plan on getting it now. I'll just scheme up a marvelous lie like the magnificent bastard I am.

Kiri is a horrible person, I know! I know!
catastrophic: (♕ run these streets and play for keeps)
2010-11-29 10:47 pm
Entry tags:

i walk on these roads of useless ramblings

I love how whenever I'm at all, I'll think of all the things I have to do when I get home, and then when I get home, I don't do jack. I have a test tomorrow in human development, and this is me not really giving a damn! Seriously, I really don't want to do anything anymore, I want senior year to be over and done with, I want my senior project to be magically finished, I want it to be Christmas so I can play FF XIII, Fable III, and all the other games I asked for... I also crave mass amounts of sugary, chocolatey food for some reason. These blueberry cereal bars are going to have to do.

Today, I had this crazy urge to start roleplaying again. I've had this urge since Saturday really, but hell if there's ever going to be a place for me to roleplay as Riku again. I talked to [personal profile] razzberree about it, and we came to the conclusion that there's literally nowhere for a KH RP to be had, so if we want one, we'd have to make our own. Then we started talking about all the characters we could be roleplaying in a KH RP... Man, I miss playing Roxas, Riku, Kadaj, Zack, Larxene, Denzel... Bah, is it really so hard for there to be one quality KH roleplay out there? We then started lulzing around with ideas for a roleplay, but when it came to actually starting the thread, I was totally lost as to how the thread should be started. Like, these sorts of things used to come easy for me, but I haven't roleplayed in about two months now, since late September, I'd say.

The last character I made for a roleplay was a man by the name of Zacharias Moliére. He was French, a former cop turned hairdresser who was very delicate and fragile in demeanor. He was the sort of person who'd break under harsh words, but would put up a tough facade if it meant standing strong in front of the people he loved. He was very athletic and was trained in ju-jitsu (as a form of martial arts, for his past police days) but despite everything, he was very breakable on the inside. He was also very paranoid and bit his nails frequently.

A good thread I had on that forum with him was Zach talking to a priest about the horrible things he'd done, and the priest, in the middle of the thread sort of looked up at him and asked, "I believe the only sins you've ever committed lay in your heart." Or something like that. Heck if I remember. It was a good thread! I left the board because of drama, though. I was making fun of this fourteen year old who got pissed at me because something I said made him lose "the game" or whatever. God, I can't stand people who make a bunch of fuss over nothing....

Ahh, but yeah, I have good memories with roleplaying in general, but it's like, really hard to get a thread going. And now that I've stopped roleplaying for so long, I'm not sure if I can do it again! I want to write more with Zach, I want to KH roleplay, I want to make a crapload of characters and just toss them in crazy situations... but have I forgotten how? I hope not! I really hope not... I think I just need to get my feet wet in the field again! But I'm not going back to roleplaying with the masses on Proboards, hell no. I used to be addicted to that shit. 

I also think I should take these urges and just learn to write fanfiction if I can't get a roleplaying fix. Maybe I'll make an AO3 account to place my fanfiction in... I've been ignoring my want to write fanfiction for a while now, but I don't think I'm going to any longer. I won't upload it to devART, no, that's just for original stuff only. I just need to learn to write more! If you can't roleplay, then write, Kiri, write! You haven't really picked anything to work on since you finished Nightingale, you should be ashamed of yourself!

Speaking of devART, it's almost time for my monthly blog update back over there... Man, what have I accomplished since the beginning of Nov? Nothing! Well, I finished Nightingale, but would I even have written that if [personal profile] razzberree wasn't so amped to see it? It just goes to show that I write better when I know someone will read it! That's why I love roleplaying - when you write, someone is anticipating your post with bated breath, and better yet, they'll respond to it!

Anyway, I need to sort out what the hell I'm doing with myself... It's not like I even have time to worry about all this shit either, senior project's due on the fifteenth of December!